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Originally Posted by madisgram
beauflow i'm not real learned about the inner child topic. i know some years ago it was discussed in the psychological community. if your quest re that helps you to seek answers or know yourself better i'm happy for you.
as for wanting to better understand who you are and exploring room for personal growth i do this too. i've never regretted learning to know myself better...and the cause and effect. and for me with this knowledge i have had desires to change. i think it's great you are doing that for yourself.
would like to share with you some of my thoughts on addiction. please keep in mind these are merely my thoughts.
beauflow, a classic reason to abuse drugs/alcohol is wanting to escape reality and become numb of feelings, imo.
i certainly know i have not the right to tell you your different motivations for using but i've known many active or recovering addicts that had/have the same feelings/motivations as you stated previously, me included in my active addiction. those of us in recovery have different triggers and for them perhaps it's a trigger and what we might call reminiscing or romancing our past addiction. it can set in motion the thoughts of returning to that life particularly in early sobriety.
for me, i'm glad you shared in this forum. perhaps someone else, as i have identified in my past, can understand your viewpoint too. hope you'll keep posting here.
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Thank you Madigram for reading-- I am sorry if some times I get short with some things- but I do appreciate your input with a lot.
Yeah I do understand what you are saying and I thought I covered the over all "general" (I hate to say general for this but it is the best word I can think of) for addiction in my first little blurb
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Here recently I have been thinking partially on inner child and if with drugs at some points in me (besides the addiction to the mental high/physical and break away from reality, etc.),
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About the motivations, It is just I saw so many people that I was around, especially with extacy, just go for the motivation of feel good and sex-- TBH the sex thing there was not my thing with "x"- it was that it was fakeness with what i felt (the escape from reality/fake happiness), and in ways being a child again.. I had not finger painted since kinder garden in a class... and I was there doing it as a 18 year old..
I just have to wonder if the feeling of some what being a kid again at times while being on hard drugs; if I was not trying to be a child in some ways.... if that makes any since.... but in a very bad way.
Perhaps inner child is the wrong description for this. I know I have read and even witness a little with people that don't have childhoods - they simi do things as an adult that a child or adult would-- I think that is try to re-capture or to re-do it in some ways but I am not sure.
For example one of my sisters--- I remember she turned 30 (perhaps a mid life crises thing but idk) but she had to basically play Mommy role at 9 years old with me, she took care of me and all- she was rebellious when she was 16 but by 18 she was having a baby of her own and 3 more after that, and she is still a mom with growing kids-- but I remember she tried shrooms for the first time in her 30's and started to smoke pot-- I remember thinking to myself that she is a good mom and person, but she never got to have a child hood in a lot of ways and maybe in some ways she is trying to make up for that later in life-- In her mid 20's she would go out to bars and stuff but when she told me about the shrooms and pot- - she was never an addict like me as a young teenager or in her 20's. and she is well aware that the stuff is dangerous- it just got me to think
My mother can be taken for example as well- She was 16; she did not have a great childhood on what little she shared with me one time; and through out her life as a mother and even to what I hear to this day- she will splurge not take responsibility and even she in her 40's "poked some smot" with me when she would complain about my addiction at the time with things. Again my mother did not have addiction to illegal drugs I will say- Maybe prescription and she was an alcoholic.
I'm not sure if what I am trying to explain is very well--
I just some times have to wonder if drugs also gave a way to "allow myself to be a child" at times-- I mean if I can think back on some memories with weed-- geez yeah - Children we (friends and myself) were smoking and laughing and saying what we used to say.. It like allowed us to be silly.
I see what you are saying about the music- Music is very brain impression, and with some it could be just a trigger--- and perhaps with myself too but I am self aware as I mentioned above- the life is very chaotic.
I am sorry if this is off the topic: but it could be why some of my friends can't listen to the music and I can-
I am sorry as well that my views on my drug addiction are not all bad-- I kind of refuse in ways to see it as all bad due to mostly I learned a lot on drugs (I know it deteriorates and messes with your mind but some things I did see in different perceptions which in ways have helped and others has damaged), and the after effect with getting cleaned up from drugs--
I am by no means saying people should do drugs - I just say It is a fact of my life- I did it, went through it... now what did I learn, and what can I take away form this- if anything good away-and if any thing bad. And I can... Not to say I will go back due to as I said- it is a very chaotic and now even with out drugs, i feel chaotic to which I hate and brings to me edges that I don't like. Also for me - Drugs are a major escape route for me when things get tight- As I mentioned a while back when I first signed up- that some times I miss that, and i believed you suggested AA, or NA, to help with cravings at some times -- I try best to talk to my boyfriend (he is a form of support group- he has been clean for 10+ years and has done similar things as me) He reminds me that this drug world is an illusion and chaos- and I agree... It helps- I think that would be similar as a group- but the anxiety to go in with other people and actually share and fear with judgement is something that i fear.... and have yet to conquer so I do what i can right now.
I talked to my other sister on a talk group one time, she mentioned she thought at times to go to an eaters anonymous (my other sister has never touched a drug, she eats to escape and does understand a bit with addiction but in a different form)... And she too said as I think you try to say- It is good to talk to others that have the same struggle- due to it some how provides some strength in you that you are not the only one, and you are doing what you can do for the best and they maybe able to give some pointers as well... that is the great things about groups- different minds
now that is really off the subject and I am sorry....