Sorry you are feeling so low. In your post you say I and me alot. Replace them with we and use. Your are very much not alone. Even though we here can not show love in ways we would like to, I believe we are all loved and cared for here. I so wish I could stop your pain. Is there anything you can do for yourself? This maybe dumb to most but I bought some icecream the other day and it made me feel so good, for a while anyway. I am not a big shopper, I eat to stay alive and that is all. So I don't get treats much. But that was good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope you have a better tomorrow.