It feels good to know that someone feels the same way. I just brought it up with my therapist on Thursday. I emailed her about it a few days before because I knew it would be easier than just coming out and saying it. She said "Let's talk about your email about you wanting to be a boy" and I immediately said "No, that's not what it is. It's not that I want to become a boy. I just don't feel right being a girl". But the more I think about it, the more confused I get. I keep thinking that maybe I'm supposed to be a boy. I think I keep saying "I don't want to become a boy" because I would have to switch therapists. My therapist doesn't work with people who are having surgery, transitioning, etc., because she says it's more psychological. She did say she works with people pre- and post-surgery. I'm about 80% sure I don't want surgery, but 20% is a big number and makes it a lot more confusing.

Since I told my therapist a few days ago, I've dressed more boy-ish and I've been a lot more comfortable that way. Like you said, I've always felt like a fake when I have to wear revealing clothes (I wore a dress to my cousin's wedding last summer and it was torture). I've never felt comfortable in my skin, either. And I prefer when people shorten my name to Nick (my name is Nicole). But I'm scared and ashamed and embarrassed. I feel like I have to dress and act like a girl because I'm physically a girl. But inside...I don't know if I am.

It was one of the most shameful things to bring up in therapy for me, too. It was the hardest thing I've ever talked about. I just keep telling myself that the secret I've kept hidden for 14 years is out to the only person I trust. Even though it's uncomfortable to talk about, I'm comfortable talking to HER about it. I can't tell you what to do (whether to tell your therapist about it or not), but at least you'll be able to talk about it.