I'm so sorry your feeling so bad. I don't think it's childish at all for missing your dad. I secondly agree on therapy about your dad. My mom commited suicide and since I've been in therapy and just beginning to explore it I've realized there IS a lot there that I ignored? Did realize? That needs to come out, talked about & understood as much as it can be-for me at least.

I can relate to your feelings of hopelessness and why try... But I think that's so good that you can hold on to that glimmer of hope and keep holding on and keep trying. That's what I'm doing

Lots and lots of hugs to you, I could read the pain in your post and your not alone. Be kind to yourself