It's kind of nice knowing I am not the only one who has had instances where they should have gone to the hospital, but couldn't. My situation is much the same as Secretum, AniManiac, and Innerzone. I've known people with bad experiences with mental health services, particularly hospitalization. However, my guardedness goes beyond bad experiences I've heard from others. I'm generally very secretive, independent, stubborn, and untrusting. When I am in crisis, I cannot talk to anyone about it. I can never speak about what most troubles me!

I refused even therapy up until a few months ago. Even while seeing him, there was a point I should have been hospitalized last semester, with another attempt under my belt, and instances of self-harm. We are still working on building our therapist-patient relationship; I think he understands I struggle with being honest about what's really going on, and we're working on it.

Despite the number of times I should have been hospitalized, I still hope to avoid it!