Cool thread - I like it

I am for expressing anger in a healthy way and reacting to people with anger in a healthy way.

Am an angry person since I have been bottling up all my frustrations over the years [living/dealing with a mentally ill mother + dealing with the world that snobs and tease me because I have a mentally ill mother + etc ...]

A lot of memories trigger my upset button makes me very eeky. Eeky.

I feel so angry because my parents and I are so pathetic. So pitiful. All the emotions twisted and knotted together.

Hunger was my problem growing up besides having a mentally ill mother.

I told my Dad (My Dad - very small town person who thought wow when he met my mother [mentally ill] Dad did not know anything about mental illness when he married my mother. My mother came from a big boisterous family where her siblings are very well to do because they had good opportunities handed to them. They had a huge wedding. And, my mother was the most pretty person at the wedding.

ta ta ta ta - after the wedding, my Dad thought my mother's moods was very funny at first. Ya Dad, you been cheated by the whole family.

So back to hunger problem. My Dad (small town person outlook) was suddenly stuck with a very mentally ill woman with a kid (me) hello.

My earliest memories was my Mom going berzerk. Yup. Nice. She was always going berzerk.

Hunger problem - can't expect a mentally person to feed her husband and kid right?

Dad stuck with all the food business. He tried his best.

But, when I was older, Dad was getting too stressed by all the mental illness he would disappear for a long period of time. By that time, Dad has taken me away from my Mom. But my Mom will suddenly show up anytime. Mom being around does not help with the hunger problem.

So, I will be stuck on my own, scary being alone in the house. Suddenly Mom shows up. Plus with or without Mom, there is no food.

Am so angry that I had to grow up without food. So pathetic.

When my Dad was around, I told him we really need to get groceries, he will be very absent minded about groceries. And, Dad will vanish again.

So I survived on the good will of people. Some people got really tired of me hanging around for food. Like a dog waiting for left overs. Hey I was still in school.

That's me growing up. Hurray, I am grown up and whether I eat or not depends on me going to earn a living.

Angry yup. It was so unfair.

When I went out to work, I meet different people at work, they all have great families to go back to during the holidays. Eat, laugh and fight in their families. But, their family was always there for them.

But, these people I work with who have everything [family] are not nice. They will tell lies about me and make something up about me to my bosses. One of my boss is a person who has a very bad temper. She will shout at you if she thinks you have wronged her based on her understanding without having any conversation with you to clarify matters. And, these people who behave like this have money and family.

Angry yup.

Deep in my heart, I really wished I am dead.

I have to force myself to face this horrible world.

From enduring beatings from my mother, to horrible torment from my relatives, scolding from priest because he believed my mentally ill mother's lies, scolding from my grandparents when my mentally ill mother was beating me up every day after school - after I moved to live with my Dad - I had to put up with Dad's side of the family - small town people who do not understand that it is very hard on the (kid -me) to have a mentally ill mother - so they will say things like "Magrat will become like her mother" etc ... other hurtful things ...

after enduring all that and working so hard to get through school - with paper qualifications I try to survive the work place -

The work place have another problem - work place problems we all face ...

Dealing with people is the hardest thing to do.

I have to choice, I am alive (but I wish I am not) so I have to eat - have to earn a living pay all my bills etc ...

Life goes on. Very angry under all my smiles and cheerfulness. Grrr is right there. My wish is to stop feeling Grr and just feel relaxed.