With all the recent gut wrenching, trust challenging posts flying around this past week, I took a time out to meditate on the bigger picture, the dynamics without the personalities, to see if any patterns popped up matching past experiences in my life.

First thought to examine was about the place I call "opposites". When I am so shorted out that I do or say the exact opposite of what I mean to do or say. (I try to stay very close to home during these times.)

The second set of identifiable features I recognized, was the thing that happens when someone with low self esteem, is in a major stressed out situation--really on the brink of disaster--and just in the nick of time somebody actually notices them and hears them and responds with support, (not to mention a whole group of (PC) people giving a poo...), well, it's like too much, too much recognition? Attention? Caring? I don't know which too much, but, just when outsiders think the situation is under control and start to expect the recipient to start to relax, Well, the being a recipient thing can up the freak on the recipient's already over stressed nervous system. This "final" short acts them out to prove themselves unworthy of all the recently received good vibes.... . The strike out is a limbic reaction rather than a rational thought line. (Though, of course, raionalization then sets in to make the act "justified" in the garble of a freaked head.)

Though we were hit personally, it wasn't personal. Our fragilities take many forms on many days. Wake Up Calls are are great moments for opportunity. We can become a wiser, stronger, more aware circle of supportive friends who have now seriously gone through some poo together--this isn't just a story, this is us. Everything matters. Peace in every step.