We have been married a very long time. I love her and I dont think that will ever change. Even know going through this hard time I still love her. But I guess I should start with my job it takes me away in the summer and I am home on the weekends. I make it up to everyone in the familiy in the winter time. Now I have done this for 12 years and all has been great. On both ends. Her and me. It gets hard and lonley for both of us. We talk multiple times a day or text so communication was always there. Something happened this year, that changed all that. My wife has become very active in the world over the past two years and I thought that was great and I am so very proud of her and the accomplishments that she has achieved. But somewhere along this year she has checked out with out relationship and has started confiding in another man. They run in the same circles and she viewed him as a mentor to all that she does. Real loyalty there. We have been having issues comunicating for a month or so. And I was seeing the signs that something extra was going on Cell Phone no more than a foot away. Deleteing texts as soon as they are sent or received. Texting the same contact with two different numbers. Found out that she has been hiding the amount that they chat by putting a number 2 after the friends name to indicate that it is him. anyway. I am and have always been the perfect huband. I make great money (2 years ago not so much part of problem) I have a high moral compass and it point true north. I have never had an enpure thought of another woman. ( porn not included I was on the road remember) I would work all day and hide myself away in my apt so that no action that I took could ever be misinterpereted. I never wanted her to question anything that I did. One night we went out with this couple(man in question and his wife) My wife decided that she was going to do shots that night. She is not a drinker so that in itself is a problem. She was texting lets call it ben and ben2 while we were out. I asked why are texting ben on 2 different chats. Her responce was "Why do you have to be that guy" Anyway she got drunk and passed out on way home. I got her in and cleaned her up and got her to bed. I went out to clean the car and I just could not help myself. I looked up the chat. They were deleted. So I looked up Ben and Ben2 to see the number and did a reverse number search and could not believe what I found Ben2 is in my phone as well under a different name in my contacts. But she did not delete the history. It stated==="I dont care anymore" "I love you so much it hurts" "Take me away for all of this" "I love You". I have to say I did not expect that. I woke her up drunk still and demanded an answer. After an hour of not giving any information she finally said that they are closer than anyone could imagine. He is her best friend and they had to hide the amount they talk because I and his wife would not understand. I did not explode I did not over react. I was kind of releived. I was not crazy I knew something was wrong but I was told no and that kept me off blance thinking it was me making things up. Now that I have the problem I can fix it. They elected to end their extra conversations and go back to being normal just friends and just see and talk as the circles that they are in dictate. I thougt ok lets start building our love back and communicate. But its like a brick wall. I as how was her day and want to hear about it and I get very little. In morning I ask if she has a busy day but get very little. I am a closed off kind of person. Dont get me wrong I am a funny good looking center of attention kind of guy that just does not take the time to make friends. What do I need them for I have a fantastic wife and 2 kids. Friends would take time away from them. So in a nut shell. What do I do? She needs space I can see that. She is still texting him which she said that she would not But she is just not hiding that fact. Still deleting as fast as they come in or go out. I am afraid that if I give her space that I will just be conforming that or helping her confirm that she wants to be with him. Oh and his wife does not know and they are even going to lunch tomorrow. Ben will not leave his wife I truely believe that. There relationship is not the typical marriage that I have or had so I dont really understand it but I dont think he will. So what would the end game be here? He wont leave and she is struggling and it is really hard to stay positive. Any thoughts here would be great!!