I've been doing sorta bad past fews days. Very bad actually. I can "distract" myself with my school work (well, because I am in do or die position............. and even if I would not mind the die part atm....... I don't want to screw up, just in case).

What bothers me more is this weird paranoia. That I did something wrong unknowingly and that it is gonna get to me. That people only put up with me, but they don't like me. I got letter recently that the books I ordered from Amazon are stuck on customs in Prague and I need to declare them............ and of course I went from "I need to declare package" to "they now monitor me and if I show them my bank account (I need to proof i paid for the items........) they will track down from where I used ATMs and they may have problems with it. (yes, I know irrational.... still, i feel bit icky about the whole thing).

I can distract. but the minute I don't........ I start getting these feelings. From "I forget to do something important for school" to "people hate me" and "omg, my books are in customs not because of ridic EU laws... but because of ME and something I said online or because I been to eastern europe too much". I try to fight it....... but atm it's too much.