I am now angry. I called my doctor about the effects of the generic for Lamictal and I was blown off. I was told to wait until my appointment next Friday.
Everything is getting worse. The depression, thoughts about death, anxiety, startle response and now paranoia. I was scared to death all last night that someone was going to come in my house and get me.
I know it is the drug doing it, but it doesn't make it any easier to endure.

Why is it always like that for me. I reach out and tell someone and I always get blown off. Suck it up. Deal with it. Why can't anyone listen and believe me when I say how bad things are.

And it has never mattered what it was. I was 7 years old and had to suck up the sexual abuse. I was 12 years old and had to suck up my mom's being suicidal. Suck up 3 armed robberies and suck up my abusive ex. Suck up my second's husband's disability and death from cancer.

Nobody gets how hard it is to be me. Especially when I am in a major depressive state. I have tried so many times to reach out to people and I get told I am overreacting or being stupid. So I quit trying and I suffer in silence.

Give me my wild eyed mania any day. It's way better than this.