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Oh wow this sounds difficult! I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I understand your want to make this relationship work but you need to find out if that is what she really wants. It will end in such a huge mess if she's just stringing you along for the free ride while she's waiting for someone else to come take her away. Or perhaps she's going through some sort of depression, some sort of emotional turmoil that is causing her to act out this way, really there is no way to know why she is behaving this way without going directly to her. Perhaps try to have a calm sober conversation asking her who she wishes to be with. If it's you tell her that you need her to be in the relationship as much as you are, if she's not what's the point in you continuing to try?
Her behavior is very destructive right now, a break may be the best thing needed but that break could mean a final break. I would suggest to talk to her and see if that's what she wants, if it is give it to her or this will continue. If it's not make her step up to the plate and work on the marriage as much as you are. Maybe showing her that you wont let her walk all over you is what she needs right now.
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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