I'm going to babble more. Trust. I don't trust people very well. When people yell at me, I sometimes get scared. Why is that? Sometimes people remind me of my step-father and I feel angry or maybe even hatred. But, I don't seem to feel that way towards him. What is the deal there? Do I sometimes hate or have anger towards my parents? My mom should have stood up for me. My step-father should have seen the pain that he was causing me. I mean I threatened to commit suicide repeatedly. Why didn't they get it? He said that once you're suicidal you're hopeless. That made my blood boil. Why did they squash my self-esteem in smithereens? What kind of parent teaches their kid blind obedience and then expects them to have common sense? If you want me to obey every order without thinking, how can you expect me to think at other times? Why are parents allowed to slap, push, spank, and chase their kid on a horse when I am not even allowed to complain about how they treat me. I wish I could remember why my step-father was on a horse chasing me but I don't. If I complain about something, my mom would slap me or tell me that the conversation is over. AAAAAAAAAAAAA! Kind of gives you a hint where my black hole of denial came from. Why are children told that they are not allowed to raise their hand to their parents not even in self-defense? Did anyone else learn that rule?
Well, I think I am done ranting now.