Thank you all so much for your answers! This has helped me a lot!

I guess I have been seeing it the way I would do or handle things and would want that people deal with me. That does not mean that T is the same way.

For example I always keep on working or return to work earlier than I should because I feel so responsible for getting my things done and letting nobody down to the point that I really wear myself out. I know that is not the best way of doing things yet this is how I feel. But T will be able to look much better at himself and judge if he can come to the practice or not. You guys are right that he will not return before he does not have the feeling that he will be able to do a good job again and not just be present.

And it is also me who tries to protect others and be the strong one. T does not need me to do this for him. And he will be able to protect himself if I ask him a questions or tell him how this situation made me feel.

But I guess the really hard part will be telling T at all. Or how to do it. Telling him that I was worried about him, that I was afraid he would not come back, that I was crying feels to me like admitting to him that I like him. Liking him would mean that I am very vulnerable in this relationship. And being vulnerable means being weak to me. That makes me feel like I should protect myself more/better... which means closing up. I am still afraid as hell to make myself so vulnerable to him.