This is my first time posting on this website, and the first time I've ever talked about this.
I've been feeling depressed for what seems to be years. My mother died when I was eight, and I went to the school therapist for three years before I stopped. I've gotten completely over it, but it seems that the event left a pessimistic imprint on my mind, and I've had a lot of trouble seeing the bright things in life. I feel as if I can't trust anyone, not even my best and only friends, and as a result I lie constantly about how I am and how I feel. I've gotten used to putting people above myself, and have extremely low self-esteem. I use many means to numb myself from life. Reading, video games, and internet surfing are the most common, but when my depression becomes too much, I use self harm though cutting and occasional burning as a stress relief. When I began cutting three years ago, I didn't feel suicidal, but lately the feeling of stress and exhaustion have reached a boiling point, and the idea has become more and more tempting.
I'm sorry for the long read and if this is just a waste of time, but I need to try. There are some other problems, but I don't want to make this post any longer than it needs to be.