Thank you so much everyone.

rainbow_rose, thanks for the hug and for empathising with my lack of knowledge of US history

pbutton, glad that you've been finding it helpful to read about schema therapy. Maybe soon I won't be all on my own here And thank you for offering to listen- truly.

rainbow, thank you for understanding. Interestingly, I feel like I know quite a lot about IFS and EMDR even though you are the only person I know who uses these models. That must be because you are quite proactive about explaining them. So perhaps I just need to be a bit more proactive and explain the context when posting here. My feeling at sea very much relates to feeling almost 'pushed around' by my 'parts', only ST calls them 'modes'.

athena, thank you for the reminder to look for patterns in what happens between me and T and in my real life.