First, I don't see that anyone here finds you to be making their lives more difficult, so relax about that a bit.

I don't remember reading whether you are under the care of a pdoc or not. If you are, you really need to be knocking on his/her door and insisting that your meds be adjusted because clearly they aren't working well for you. If you aren't, it might be time to consider seeing a pdoc for some medical assistance with your depression as it does seem pretty severe.

What I do between sessions I guess is try to work on my thinking, on the messages that I've told myself for so long that aren't based in reality. Those messages, for me, are the result of my history. Do you talk to you T about those kinds of internal messages that you tell yourself because of your past? That's an important place to start, and it takes a great deal of work to truly change those internalized messages. I say this because you mentioned only talking about your past in sessions, and for me, that's what came out of all those sessions about the past.

Keep posting. We're listening.