hey, Crew. From my understanding, asexuality is when you do not desire to have sex with either a man or a woman because there is no attraction to either gender. You mention having a 15-year relationship with an ex-T - you don't give their gender (if you don't mind, it would help to know for this thread but I really don't want to pressure you to answer if you don't want to; however, it would seem that you DO find either men or women attractive and, therefor, do not seem to be asexual). I think you may have brought up the subject of asexuality because you fear not finding another lover. Also, you seem worried that you appear more masculine than feminine. Still, I've seen masculine women in relationships with men and I've also seen masculine women in relationships with women. So, both are feasible. What really matters is that you DO find one of the sexes attractive and are capable of a long-term relationship as previously demonstrated.

Just because you were in a 15-year relationship with an ex-T does not make you a "*****" (your term, not mine; frankly, I am upset and concerned with its use here). The end of a long-term relationship is always traumatic, especially when you look back at it as a mistake. However, being in a long-term relationship is actually a good track record and I believe it will make you more desirable to someone else also seeking a long-term relationship.

You now are free to meet someone new who shares your long-term relationship values. You state you are looking for someone "soon" but to rush into things might not be the best thing to do. You need to find someone with similar values who will treat you well so that you do not feel down and out if the relationship sours. Maybe your last relationship was really just a warm-up for finding your true love. It's time to have a real life with a true love who, like you, is in it for the long-term. You have years of experience to help guide you. Like 15+ years ago when you met your ex, put the chin up, the shoulders back, spruce up the hair - you recall the routine - and go out and relationship shop. Like grocery shopping, you have to make up your "want" list - they should be employed, have a track record of long-term relationships like you, find you attractive and vice-versa. It's really scary - you have not done this in a long time. But, this time is different. You have experience on which to base your shopping that you did not have before. Use that experience to make a better decision this time. I hope this helps. All the best to you!