Well ok. I have no idea what my internal messages are, which is why we can't discuss it in T (because i cant answer any of her questions). I don't think in words. I think in sensations. There are no sentences or words that are equivalent to the sensations. So it is impossible to translate these sensations into words to tell my therapist. She knows this. Everyone thinks I say this just to be difficult but I only say it because its true. Everyone I have told this to (including on this board and also my two Ts that I have had) have gotten irritated with me when I said it. I don't know why. I'm not sure why its such a horrible thing.