I feel awkward and guilty around my mom sometimes, and it majorly affects my mood. We're going to Europe in less than two weeks (10 day vacation) & I'm really worried about how I'll feel. I love her not only as my mom, but also think she's an incredible person, and I try to emulate her morals, intellect, achievements and kind actions.

But I feel so insecure about losing her love, & have significant abandonent issues. It's from a family trauma when I was 3, she had to leave unexpectantly one afternoon & was gone for weeks (my dad was in the ICU, my brother dead).

We all developed PTSD and apparently it disrupted my secure attachment development. Which causes me to feel really anxious when I'm around her, which is quite often. I can usually only take about 3 hours, then the anxiety gets too bad and I have to leave.

My mom and I are really close -- emotionally -- but we have a harder time discussing/revealing our major faults to one another. I always confessed EVERYTHING to her as a child (any slight bad thought, etc.) & we've talked about almost all of my current major failures/issues. She's totally supportive and accepting, but nothing helps the fear that inevitably I've done or will do something that she could never forgive me for.

Sorry I've rambled on for so long, old habits die hard. I just don't know what I can do to cope with this. I'm bipolar, and my hormones are all over the place right now too. My ED has also been flaring up. My therapist & I've been working on my failure/abandonment issues & anxiety all this spring, & I'm functional enough with everyone now... except my mom.

Nothing else is wrong in the situation... it's all me. She's calm, open, fun, accepting, & has always planned amazing vacations. She wanted me to bring a friend, like we usually do, but none were available. This was how I coped in the past.

Any advice (please??) . Also, I'm 20 & in college, if this gives any more perspective on the situation.

Thanks!

Jessie