I'm so depressed with myself. I got married again four months ago and I do love my husband. I have no love for my ex-husband and don't want him back, but I can't stop wanting my old life back. Does that make any sense?My daughter started high school this year and I need her more than she wants to be around me so I miss that relationship too. I want to go back 5 years to when she was younger, when I had my house, my ex was always gone anyway and we didn't fight, just more like best friends. I was on zoloft all those years too which I got off of last year.

From these feelings, I assume now that I got married before I was ready, but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing and was eager to be with my new husband every day and night, not just once a week and nightly phone calls. Other reasons were I have no family where I live but my daughter, and now I have a real mother in law I think the world of. My daughter has a step dad that would do anything for her. We have family now that loves us, a decent home. Our new home is just not as nice as my old one and in a small town 15 miles away that is poor and a bit depressing. My daughter hates it here but I drive her to her old school district so she still has the same friends and classmates. If I listed my blessings they would be much longer than what I have to be unhappy about. I prayed so much about what to do and everything fell into place as far as the marriage plans so I was sure God and the universe was leading me down this path.

Now I just want my old house and neighborhood back, which I still own, just rent someone. Why do I care about that house so much? I lived there 8 years out of my 49 years of life! My new husband says we can move out of his house if I don't like it, which I don't. However, he won't move into the house I shared with my ex because he doesn't want to live in a house another man is paying for. Yes, he agreed to pay off the mortgage on that house and I am renting it, ha! His cheater's guilt. My new husband said we could move, build, whatever, we just need to take some time to get our finances in order, and be sure we find what we want. I've decided to wait a year to year and a half to move. No more rushing into things! Can I find happiness in the meantime? Will I adjust to my daughter moving on and not leaning on her? Sometimes I want to send my ex a message and tell him my life is still a mess because of him. Why do I want to let him know I am unhappy? I know he will assume it's because I still care about HIM, which I don't.

So, now that I did get married maybe before I should have, how do I make the best of things without being depressed all the time and looking back? My new husband is a good man and I don't want to talk myself into deciding I made a mistake. I want this marriage to last for the rest of our lives, and I have no interest in looking or talking to other men. I hated being alone but now that I have what I wanted, part of me just wants to be alone and dwell on my old memories and what I had!!