It's not just a waste of time to post here. And you can always post other problems as you go =)

I think seeing a therapist would be a good idea, if you can afford it. Therapy can sometimes alone really change you life, over time. You'll have to be willing to put in the effort time and money for therapy but most of the time it's 100% worth it.

Especially since even a basic suicidal thought has crossed your mind now is the time to reach out for help. These thoughts can creep up on you until they are persistant. If it gets to that point it will be very difficult to start on treatment because you'll be in a worse place. Just like any illness the sooner you get help the better right?

also, to PC