I seem to only post in this forum when I'm having a hard time. So sorry in advance for constantly complaining.

I'm not depressed, lamictal is the one drug that has actually helped. That said, I can't shake these thoughts that I am an awful person. I don't know how to verbalize (or write down) what's going on in my head. It's too scary. Other than this place I don't tell anyone how I feel. I hear from my husband and T that I'm too hard on myself. I think, total BS I'm not hard enough.

I'm really really struggling with my son. He's three and I honestly think he hates me. My husband and T say he's three he doesn't know HOW to hate. Than WHY WHY WHY does he meltdown, kick, bite and scratch ONLY me?! Yeah so I'm the safety parent. I get that. But when I pick him up from somewhere or walk in the door and I'm greeted with a a full on screaming meltdown, what else am I suppose to think?!

I wish I could just tell my T this and have her acknowledge how much this affects me. Someone took my appointment time AGAIN this week. I really really need her but am not going to be needy. I'm stubborn and need to get through this on my own but I wish I didn't have to.