Fault, blame, right and wrong....... Let's try to step away from these labels and just look at what works and doesn't work. Negative self talk doesn''t go anywhere we want to go, so let's work on not doing that. That leaves a blank, a space we can think about how we want to fill. (When we're thinking clearly, of course.) Talk with t about positive mantras to stick in here.

A 12 year old may understand the concept of right and wrong in a broad sense, but has very little experience applying those concepts in various contexts..... and no experience in dealing creeps (one would hope.....).

I became aware, jolted myself out of self blame, by taking a good look at children who are now the age I was then..... I ask myslef if I would expect that kid to know how to deal with whatever I was dealing with..... the answer has been universally, "NO!". So I am able to forgive myself for being a little kid, in way over my head, way back when.

Learned to turn the inner talk around to appreciating what a tuff little nugget I was to have survived. How proud I am that I decided,on my own, way back when, to break the cycle of violence. How hard that was for me to do without any support. (Family in denial/pre women's movement.) Practice giving myself strokes for everything I can think of to give myself strokes for to fill up that space that used to be full of self kaka talk. All the praise that wasn't given the cute little bundle that was me while I grew up. The "parent myself" thing 12 steppers talk about. (I hated resented ranted against this, furious that I hadn't gotten this love and respect from my parents, for xxxx sake, it was their JOB!!!) Then, I grudgingly gave in and started feeding myself what I wanted from them......

I think this is what our will is for: working on ourselves.