Hi maybeI will,

Narcissists and other controlling types can be so harmful to caring, sensitive people. I don't think we gravitate to them because we like mean women. We are attracted to and admire their confident, take charge, just do it! attitude. They can seem so fun and entertaining... multi-talented even with their many interests that seem to match our own. They can play the role of a caring, loving, giving, open person at first to hook you. Then their manipulative, controlling, selfish and immature behavior comes out when they don't get what they want. Not getting what they want is like losing control to them.

Then, when you protest, they play the victim, rage, project, gaslight and guilt you into thinking you are the problem or you are crazy. They can shut you off from your loved ones and force you to quit your interests in order to satisfy their needs... if you let them. They are master manipulators who need to be so in order to alleviate their deeply ingrained fears and insecurities. It is how they cope. Cope in a world that is very scary to them to imagine they are just ordinary, average people who don't need to be special to be loved. We feel their pain and don't want to quit on them and abandon them. They just use this to manipulate us further and take all they can from us. We all like to be with someone we can let take the reigns some or maybe a lot of the time. But we don't deserve to be abused and devalued for having our own needs and desires.

So do not be ashamed of having fallen for these types. Many have gone before you into that darkness and have emerged even better for it. You can learn who you really need as a partner and see the red flags that portend a toxic situation. You now need to use your knowledge and insight as a positive. These women were attracted to you because you are a kind, thoughtful, honest, smart, caring... exceptional person. And they were right. But they were disordered. And you survived them. That deserves more than just a lousy T-shirt, IMO. You deserve to find a truly great, loving woman to treat you well. Believe me, there are many more of those out there than there seem to be at this moment. It is worth the effort.

Best of luck,
StrongerMan