I will feel fine for months and then it's like a giant wet, cold blanket gets thrown over top of me. I feel smothered and trapped, but I just have to keep going blindly until the weight of it is gone. My stepdad had cancer and was treated for years until it became terminal. He died with us caring for him at home. Sometimes it is all I can do to get the image out of my head of his last breath. I can't watch movies where someone dies without being completely inconsolable. I never sought out help with my grief and I feel like it is overwhelming me, even years later.