....this is my very weird stage of depression! Right where I am at now, today.
I am annoyed that I want to live...I now have to face life and all of it's difficulties, and with no way out of it!
I'm annoyed....it's gotta' sound weird, it's gotta be too strange to explain?

ya' see....I have spent over half my life obsessed with my death. Much of my living has been all about my dying. All my starts were made complete by their inevitable ends.

Suicidal ideation began as an idle thought for me....from there it became a hobby....after that it became a fantasy....until finally it became a full on romance!
The thing with all romances, however, is that someone, or in this case something is going to want a committment, and despite all my efforts to make the committment and all my dedication....

I ended up cheating on death and began an affair with life. But I am finding that life can be alot harder to live with than death and this is why I am annoyed.

...BUT, allthough the relationship I now have with life is a difficult one, it has much more chance of becoming a true romance and will likely last alot longer than a fling with death.

and....now that I have made a committment to life, it seems that death doesn't want anything to do with me anymore...not even a one night stand.

hmmm....