I too find music and drugs as a vice, always have ...I have a substance abuse issue. I have a very adult grown up job and am good at what I do, but at home I'm like another person.... I tell myself its my inner child who is the addict and if I don't give her time to play, she causes work me issues. It's like literally I can argue with myself when it comes to choices or behaviors related to substances. I didn't have much of a childhood either. I think I relate to what your saying. But I've been doing this for 23 years, and you seem younger and I wish someone would have stopped me from the drug/alcohol life years ago, but now I have to do it for me. The inner child thing , although partially true is no more then an excuse to continue my behavior. It never just goes away. Good luck on your journey.