...something I still struggle with, because I am so childlike sensitive and excitable and I know it's true. My mind has hardly any, probably no connection with my heart at all.

...the cause of so much wild dis-appointment!

when things are good, I am so entranced to the point of sublime and beyond...that I am convinced this is the way things are now forever!

....and

when things are bad I am so catastrophically miserable to the point of breakdown and beyond...that I am convinced this is the way things are now forever!

It's real hard to be a stable person with this goin' on alot and all the time heaps often.

I don't have the ability to 'think' about my feelings....
I just 'feel' my feelings
and in between I don't have a clue?

the only real difference I can tell between the effects of these extremes is that because I expect the bad things more than the good...then my good moments are interrupted suddenly by expectations of the bad moments. Unlike when things are bad I don't think "oh crap!...geez I'm worried things might go really good soon".

so I am my own 'party pooper' (thanks bpd)

the bad times last longer this way but the good times still happen because I do try really really hard to have them. I just worry pretty quick they are going to end and thats what usually makes them end.

anyway...not really with it today...but thats ok..