I've been struggling really bad lately, I usually only scratched or very rarely cut, but this morning..I cut pretty badly, worse then I ever have, it was like I just couldnt stop myself, I have been increasingly getting worse and worse, and now idk how much farther i can go, the reason why i never used to cut badly is because I can't deal with physical pain well, its something caused by past events. But this time I just completely went past that, I've been increasingly going downhill with almost all my issues, my paranoia, anxiety,
depression.etc... its all just slipping further and further, I just wish It would all be over already.. but I dont know why this is happening now, a couple months back my situation might have even been worse, very big issue with my host family, and my grandma passed away. I've been increasingly waking up at night and having random nightmares, I dont know where this is all going but I cant deal with this any longer, am I going crazy? I have never had this much desire to harm myself, but I really want to try and contain this before it escalates even further, but I feel so hopeless...