Hi,I came from a family that was terribly disfunctional; as I know many of you did. I thought my family was crazy and everyone else was normal. I did have some highly functional people to see the comparatives with and that was a good thing I believe. I feared being as disfunctional as my parents,especially my mother with her mental illness.

I am now much, much older. I went throught several stages of transition through life. My first reaction from the abuse and distrust of my parenting, resulting in my becoming tough, setting up high walls keeping any hurt out.
I was one tough cookie and don't tread on me signals radiated from me.

For some reason, I have had a real mind set about anyone feeling sorry for me or pity of any kind. I was a victim; but never, never wanted to be weak, so admitting victimization was something I was too proud to accept and still own that feeling today.

I have seen many people live that opposite role. One of the most memorable victims I met is when I was substituting in a Vo-tech school for several weeks. A young man, twenties who had a good job as an EMT was being retrained because he had gotten on drugs. His excuse for doing drugs was his father had abandoned him. How can a person live under
the idea that they are MADE to do bad things because of another's actions? Is responsibility for yourself given away because of trauma? How can someone make things worse for themselves by giving away personal choices, personal responsibility for someone else's bad choices?

I was, bitten, hit, hair pulled, insulted, demoralized by my mother's seemingly hatred for me. That woman cannot have ever won I believed in making me feel unworthy (except for that moment in time). Do I have scars yes, but I also know that if you lie down and accept victimization you will never be a victor. EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO VICTORY IN THIS LIFE, justice from life, no. That's the just world syndrome...and a just world does not and never will exist. The more trials you have the stronger you get and the more you grow. If trials of life has you helpless, think again.

I apologize for this sounding preachy. but have observed those that have
quit life's tests, and become helpless. God help them because they have unlearned how to function!

For those with true chemical unbalances and mental illness this is not
mean't to make you feel responsible for your problems...my empathy to those who suffered like my mom.