Hey I just read your post and I am crying and just reading it. I am so sorry about you not knowing your mum. It sounds like she was a real specail person. Its hard for me to post something becuase I was hurt badly by mine. It must be really hard no knowing your mother. SOmeone who is supposed to be a nurturing part of your life.
Sorry you are having such a hard time with this. If it helps you to keep talking please do so, I am here for you. And i send you great big hugs at this time, and hope your feel a bit better soon. Bearhugs.