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Old Jan 17, 2012, 08:34 PM
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Resident Bipolar Resident Bipolar is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: Midlands, England, UK
Posts: 603
I was first admitted to hospital four years ago. Now at 17 I've had four admissions and this year I was planning on spending my 18th birthday outside of a psychiatric unit. The last thing I want is to be admitted again, seperated from my friends and family, and in a unit where I have to share resources with (OCD prevents me from going toilet at all for a couple of weeks sometimes).

The rules on suicidal posts here confuse me. So please do accept my most sincere apologies should I cross the line in what I post. But the past few weeks have been problematic...which some of you know from my recent threads and one or two forum posts. The past few days, though, have been the worse. Last night I was up for three hours later than I intended to be, writing suicide notes to 1. My mum, 2. My best mate Dylan and 3. The group of friends I have labelled as the 'westies group'. I was fully intending to end my life sometime this week at the time and still have a rather strong urge to do so...the notes are hidden in my room until the right time.

However I do have the slight thing holding me from doing so - and that is the fear of leaving my mum and dad in despair. Even though I begged and begged her in my note not to cry, I know that would be an impossibility. I am considering telling the crisis team I have been given the number for and told to report to whenever I'm in distress about the intense and very real urge to end my life but then there's that question. Will I be sectioned?

I'd rather if they worked with me outside of hospital but I am already medicated and attend weekly DBT sessions and nothing stops the impulsivity and I can say that suicidal urges are stronger than any of my other hospital admissions.

Would I be sectioned? Do you think I should be in hospital again? There's no way I'm going into hospital without them dragging me kicking and screaming. I can say that at least.

Sorry if I revealed too much in this. I was tempted to delete it all and just leave the website at least four times whilst writing it. Still not sure about pressing the submit button.

RB.
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