((((((old school))))))
I am so sorry to hear your stuggling with such confusing messages from someone you loved and thought you trusted.

I wonder, given the ages of your children, do you think your wife may be going through the change of life? If she is it would explain much of her behavior and mood swings. Even her doubts about her life and desire for attention from this man. It may not be you at all, she may just be wondering about if she is still attractive and her independance. Many women do go through that period of doubt and wondering about what it would be like to have a romance and feel special again. And this could increase as a woman sees a daughter who is free and dating as well. (That could be one explaination)

You know it sounds like for many years your wife was a homemaker and mother and had a husband that was only home on weekends. Now that the kids are older that part of her life is disappearing and often that comes as a shock in a way, it just seems to come so quickly.

I think that working with this other man gave a new demension to her life, it empowered her and inspired her maybe even filled a void in her that she wants to fill even more. You have to look at this from her stand point. You got to leave the home every week and go out in the world and thrive and make a living. She stayed home all the time and ran the house and the children and was very tied down to playing mother and dutiful wife. But what did she do for herself? Perhaps that is what that statement really means about her wanting to get out and escape the trap.

The difference between the conversations she has with this other man and you is that he was giving her the right to spread her wings and do things OUTSIDE OF THE DULL DRUM HOMELIFE SHE HAS BEEN IN FOR YEARS. Perhaps she feels like a seed that simply never got to grow and blossom on her own. But YOU had that now didn't you?
Even if you felt that you HAD to work and make a living to provide and in your own way was trapped in a provider role, you still got out in the world and enjoyed success in that activity, fulfilled that niche that everyone wants to fill, EVERYONE, including your wife.

Most men seem to think that a woman should be happy with a home and children and a husband that doesn't cheat as you mentioned your straight up north so to speak. But men forget that a woman often needs more than just that, they need to participate in the world as well, beyond the responsibilites of the dutiful wife. Because, women also want to grow, and can sometimes be a tad bit jealous of the husband that, as I mentioned, has proven himself out in the world.

This feeling in a woman can become much more obvious as children are finishing school and are making ready to go off and live their lives and have some kind of career. She may be somewhat jealous or even empty in a way she doesn't consciously realize.

But this mentor man that she talks with is much different than you as I mentioned. He represents a door to her own way of experiencing the world and being a part of working with others, society and making a difference, far away from doing the bills, raising children, and a husband that comes home on the weekends that she has to entertain as well. And that is really why she likes him, he represents being out in the world, he entertains that ability in her and gives her permission to do some things she doesn't do as a wife and dutiful mother. Big difference.

Ok, so maybe your thinking about retiring? But that is not what she wants, to go from taking care of the children and the house to the future drawing near that says her time is gone, now it is retirement and making meals and cleaning the house for a husband that will be there all the time, yes he made his way in life and went out into the world, did a good job at it too as you have mentioned.

The relationship that she has with this other man is most likely about her getting permission to be out in the world as I mentioned. And possibly for him, well, he is appreciated on a very different level than what he experiences from his wife. My guess is he is older too.

Her statement in the movies about making a move was somewhat telling as you mentioned where the kids there? Oh and the reaction she may get from them the anger of them thinking that forever she simply must be in that one spot of dutiful mother and wife, how that can create a deep anger that she may not be able to truely verbalize. It can present a feeling that she must forever be trapped in a role that she never quiet realized can be all about everyone else growing and learning and experiencing except for her.

Maybe that whole conversation about the bills and you (we as she put it) learning what it all means is her passing the torch, a step towards her giving up that role of a trap she has been in for so many years. You were confused about that, perhaps what I am saying is more in tune with what she really means by all that.

This up and down you see in her is a deep struggle of finding a way to walk away from a long time routine she knew so well, and finding a way to slowly walk into a differnt part of her, yearning to experience a part of life she hasn't had, but has gotten a taste of. Not just children and a man to keep all tidy and in order like a kind of BIG MOTHER HEN. No, this taste of life has filled another part of her, dealing with other people who are recognizing her on a very different level, something she has not experienced before.

Think about this old school, think about the name you picked here "old school" what does that mean about you and what does it mean to your wife? I don't think it is all about YOU and what is wrong with you, as you mentioned you played your role true north, and you were very responsible. This is all about her and what she has not yet fulfilled in her personal life.

Toss this around in your mind a bit. I know you were going to plan to have a drink or something with this other man, but he may not truely know what I am telling you here. And maybe for him your wife is more appreciative about what he does for a living and what makes him tick, something his wife may just take for granted. Your wife probably hangs on to his every move while he works in society, that outside world your wife hasn't really had yet, but is finding she likes it, it is exciting and rewarding in a way that her home life cant fulfill. This relationship is very different than "old school" right? And no vacation will change this hole your wife is filling. And you may be right, maybe this man would not leave his wife, I am sure he has had other women appreciate him in his work world. But I am sure he does like the attention as you can see he is texting your wife. And your wife? she is hiding all this because there IS some guilt there, but she likes the excitement and different kind of rewards for her learning and achieving and interacting with the outside world. This other man, mentor as she puts it, how telling, mentor? That usually is someone who recognizes another's ability and chooses to give that other person permission to engage in life.

Think about all this. This isn't really about you or something you failed at, it is more about something you probably never even thought of. But try to put yourself in her shoes, really objectively do that. How would you have felt if you were the one at home all those years while she was out doing life? And then you got a chance and a woman gave you permission to find something you never truely experienced before, someone encouraging you and telling you your doing a good job and showing you a totally different world outside the walls of that home you visit every weekend, the bills and a husband that comes home on the weekends.

Now, go over in your mind again all the things your wife has said to you and things you have read in that text you found. Ofcourse I dont know your wife, I am just thinking about some possilbe scenarios that you may not have thought about.

Open Eyes