KazzaX...I relate to some of what you are experiencing.

I shoved emotions down for two years. I literally felt nothing; no happiness, no tears, no anger, nothing. Huge concrete walls around my heart. That is what initially put me back in therapy 10 months ago. I didn't want to live like that the rest of my life.

Then the feelings came. Took six months, but depression set in first. It was perceptible; T noticed it before I even said anything. Then anxiety set in. Then flashes of anger. Then tears. Absolutely raw and uncontrollable. I was still miserable.

I think your acid analogy is VERY descriptive. I don't understand why your mental health professionals cannot understand it. I can imagine feeling just that way.

People "think" in so many different ways. I can think in words, but mostly in pictures, concepts, and snippets of video. My H thinks in text only; for instance, when I am out of sight, he cannot picture my face. He can describe me...blue eyes, dark brown hair, pale skin, average height and build...but cannot actually remember my face. He dreams in text; he says it's Helvetica...but he probably jests.

I hope you are able to get some help soon. I relate to your depression also. It sounds like you need a med adjustment to me. I had to have one when my emotions surfaced or I may not have survived it!