I hate that feeling right after my session when I wish I were coming in instead of leaving.

I hate going to the bathroom and wishing I were just getting there and not on my way out.

I hate when 90 minutes seems like 5.

I hate when my T wants to do EMDR and I don't. Then, afterwards I think maybe I should have done it.

I hate when my child parts don't get their needs met by my T because I didn't ask.

I hate that the teenage part thinks the session was "blah" and she is feeling so needy.

I hate that my T won't answer emails.

I hate the way I feel right now!

I hate still wanting my T to be someone who is there for me all the time, not just in my session.

I spent too much time telling her good things, which I know are important, but half an hour went by with the good stuff. Then, I said I wanted to talk about my brother and not do EMDR. She said okay. So we just talked.

First we talked about the book, which of course she didn't read. She said she felt pressured when I gave it to her, but it didn't cross a boundary. She said that if she could keep it for a month, maybe she'd read it, so I said that was fine with me. Then she wanted to know more about why it was important to me, so I picked out some passages and read them. My mistake was reading them and that was that! We didn't discuss it anymore. So, later I realized the child part who identifies with the main character felt terrible. Unfortunately I realized that when I walked out of the session. I read about the connection and love between character and author but I didn't say how much I want that. I did tell her that she was closest to the way Torey Hayden is, out of all my Ts. I remember now that I also told her that I wanted the love that the little girl got from Torey. So I did say that but then we went on to something else.

I emailed my T already but I'm not going to call her about this. I tried visualizing me, my friend, and T holding my child part. I don't know if that's what I need or not. I don't know what I need. Maybe sleep, which I'm not getting enough of lately. I have insomnia.

Sometimes I HATE therapy!! I emailed my T that the week seems like an eternity.