i can relate to a lot of what you wrote. The helpful part in me wants to suggest that you can now change each of those statements from "I hate" to something like "WHen I" and redo them so they are empowering to you. Not that that helps the emotions the others all feel.
I often experience that going in to T was better than leaving T. :/ like "yeah... ok.... well... *****. That wasn't what I wanted". Hoping next session goes better. Realizing T's can't be what we want them to be helps some also. not in the emotional realm, but in the logic realm.
Peace....