Quote:
Originally Posted by summeryoga
I had originally been pegged as having BPD but have recently been diagnosed instead as having HPD (with borderline features). Histrionic fits the bill ... to a tee.
When it was strictly BPD I thought I needed to cope with, I accepted it and embraced 'recovery' (for lack of a better term). I was on my way! DBT and the works ... But with this new diagnosis, I am TERRIFIED of dealing. I am REALLY scared to cope with this head-on, because so much of who I am and ever have been has been wrapped up in appearance, flirtation, seeking (male) attention, finding men to 'conquer', being the life of the party - so-to-speak, being sensual and dramatic ... I am truly afraid of who I would be - and if I would be cheerful and happy - without all of this. I know that for my marriage and for my children, I should change ... but this is how I have always been and I fear that I may be an empty, boring shell if I do change my HPD characteristics.
I don't know why I'm posting this ... maybe for words of encouragement, or perhaps to see if anyone out there has experienced anything like this ... maybe to vent. But I am standing on the edge of this cliff of dealing with HPD, and I am absolutely terrified of jumping into recovery.  |
my dear A....
wow it breaks my heart to read those words....that's the first thing that happened, I so badly want you to be unafraid and ok about this sudden change in direction.
damn it I am way out of my depth!...I don't know the specifics for a histrionic personality recovery....and as you say, the characteristics that define you as such are the things that add quality to your life...despite some dysfunction. but don't all people on earth have dysfunction?...sure they do!!
Certainly there are unhelpfull elements of this hpd that can be addressed over time A....and it must for sure be a total shock to be confronted by unknown challenges.
judging by the few that are in this forum then you are a very rare creature indeed....I see a beautiful and exotic creature...wild and charismatic, alive with personal energy!...I expect it may not be about a "recovery"....not for you...but perhaps something more like a
re-callibration of yourself...finding ways to capitalise on these wonderful qualities.....so that the other items you mentioned there perhaps won't affect you or the people you love, in ways that end up hurting you back. James is just guessing here A...forgive me. I care deeply for you.
I must do some research so I can better understand the little details, thats the second thing that happened.
..I am here for you A, to share the fear. yep.
enourmous hugs..James xxxxoooo