Tomorrow is my appointment with T and I .....cancelled.

Two weeks ago, I was SO looking forward to returning to him to reconnect after a long holiday and therapy break and things went very well until a few minutes before session ended when I suddenly asked a question about my former MT.

Last year, on a day when my H and I had a scheduled MT appointment, I emailed MT to confirm (I had not received a reminder) , I received an automated reply saying he had retired from private practice. I was in shock. It seemed like a cruel joke. Because of my previous T experience, it reopened old wounds. I emailed MT sharing how I felt at the time, he responded with an apology about his inability to meet with us prior to his sudden departure. At the time, I shared it ALL with my T. The email correspondence between my former MT and me and the hurt, sadness and shock I felt in the moment.

Now.

Unexpectedly, at my last session I asked my T a question about MT. His response surprised me. In his answer, he said my MT never left. He still worked part time. WTH?!?!?!? I feel betrayed. I told T I was angry. Angry at MT and angry at T. Both knew how difficult his sudden departure was to me, and both KNEW he never really left. MT lied. His email was untrue. He did not retire from private practice, because he still IS in private practice. T saw that email, he knew it's contents, he saw the chain of correspondence, he knew how much it hurt....and he knew it was untrue. He allowed it.

Now, after believing something for an entire year and finding out it was untrue, I wonder what IS true?

Clearly, I am angry at myself for trusting what was said to be true.

I really do cherish my relationship with this T AND I am mad, hurt and in some way, feel betrayed by his response (or lack of).

I will muster up the courage to return and discuss with him. Someday.

IDK. Right now, I just want to be done.