my DBT therapist has organized an admission for me for after I see her tomorrow. she knows how suicidal I am and that I will be more at risk from tomorrow as my friend who's been staying with me is going home.

my mum is really angry about the idea and shuts down whenever I talk about it.

my cousin I live with seems okay about it but would prefer if I didn't go in.

me, well I have no idea. my friend was meant to leave today and then I would have some time to work out how I'm feeling and if I thought I needed it. but her flight got canceled and now she doesn't leave till tomorrow. so I won't have the time to work it out.

I had wanted to be able to clean up and wash her sheets and stuff because if I don't do it as soon as she leaves my cousin will do it and then be shity that I didn't do it. but I have to take her to the airport early and then straight to the clinic so I won't have time.

I don't know what to do.

I just need some me time to work out if I need to go in or not.

I just feel so out of control.

there's part of me that just thinks I should say no to going in and then just deal with what happens. but there's another part of me that thinks I should go in.

I have no idea what to do.

I'm freaking out.