thanks for replying.

I think that right at this moment I am doing okay.

the reason the admission was organized is because I feel like I'm just holding it together while my friends here and that I'll fall apart as soon as she leaves. I have to hold it together while she's here cuz I can't loose her as a friend.

I feel like I'm hanging by a thread.

it's almost as though I feel okay because I know soon (when she leaves) it won't matter. everything will be over.

I spent like $500 today on **** I didn't need. but it doesn't matter. I don't care.

I called the crisis team and she suggested I wait till my appt tomorrow to decide. it makes sense. I'm pretty sure that going to the appt means hospital because my therapist will put me in. I was going to try and write down what's been happening to show her but idk.

I'm thinking I should not even go to the appt. she can't do anything then.

once I'm in they never let me out till they decide.

I just want to take them then curl up with my cat and then everything will be fine.

I think I'm crazy. but that doesn't matter because it makes me feel safe knowing they understand.

numb. empty.

whatever.