hi, michelle & notz. thanks for your concern. my T says that I am not bipolar because I do not suffer from mania. there is a good chance that I have ADHD though. I meet with a Pdoc next week. It's not just the homophobes that I have problems with; I do not fit in gay society at all. I have had many gay therapists over the years and they were mostly disasters. I would get advice like, "why don't you cheer up and go to the theater?" (I have never enjoyed theater much.) "Go to a disco!" (Nope, not my scene either.) "You need to get laid!" (Ugh, promiscuity was never my thing either; don't like sleeping with strangers.) Also, I don't like drugs, can't drink (epilepsy), am not into sexual fetishes (no black leather for me) - in short - don't fit in anywhere. Had to give up sports (bad feet - can't run). My last gay T suggested I take up ping-pong as a substitute for tennis! (How would he know about sports - he never played one in his life.) My constant anxiety makes socializing difficult - the enjoyment is just not there. I have never asked but I think my current T is straight. It's not perfect but, at least, I am being treated for my problems and not being given useless advice. It's all pretty hopeless, due to a lack of nuturing and touching as a child, there is just nothing to fall back on to make me enjoy or understand relationships much. To survive, I had to distance myself from everyone. So, I don't bond with people easily. I don't know what it's going to take. Next week, I see a Pdoc but meds won't treat my issues. T's marvel at my will to live but I don't see my life changing for the better. It's so bad that when I try to have a relationship, I tend to emotionally freak out because it feels so foreign. I guess that's just who I am. Being the way I am is the best I can do.