Well here goes then....

I hate the med that they put me on, it makes me hyperactive and cutting down the dose I dont' think is going to work.
I hate the fact that I can't stay focused long enough to study.
I can't deal with my mind right now, I don't want to be here, I don't even want to talk about what's going on. My mind is very painfull and nothing takes that pain away.
No one knows this, well now everyone will. I don't want to be in school, I would rather be working and dealing with this, but even then the side effects could intervere with my job..... Nothing seems to be working, and the things I really want I can't have because it would hurt those I love more.
I can't deal with this for to much longer with out someone to really to talk to, but I just don't want to here these words in any order. " I think it's best for you to go back to the hospital" I don't want to hear it. I know things are bad, and if someone irl found out then I would have to be watched every second of the day.
I can't deal with this, I don't want to deal with this, I wish it would all just go away, and leave me out of all of this....

SO WHY? Why do I keep dealing with things and not just giving up control of everything? I hate this life, nothing seems to change, I can't get it to change long enough to feel good. I can't get my doc to listen, Why do I keep myself going through so much pain. WHY?

That's as much as I can get out.... here anyways. I hate this med, I hate it I hate it!!