Im in college, so liquor is around a lot and i get it when i want. Alcoholism runs in my family. I self medicated in high school but i could stop when i wanted....when i got to a certain point i would just get tired of it and stop for a while. Then by some chance i would start again, nothing unusual there.

I was reading another thread in here and it got me wondering, somebody said "if drinking changes you at all you may have a problem." I am no where near the same person when i drink. When im sober, i hate it. I live in a shell and am afraid of everything which is especially true with women. If i drink, i can be cassnova; if i drink im funny and people like me more; if i drink i lose my fears and begin to have fun, i forget what was wrong because i never even knew. I know this all sounds cliche, but i dont understand why there is such a divergence between the two.

Ive been drinking heavily for the past week and a half, probably once a day at least. I dont understand why, but my problems melt away and i have the confidence i dont otherwise know how to find. Ive been going with a girl for a few weeks and it is sooo much harder to communicate with her sober or to be intimate. When im drunk i call people i want to stay in touch with, im open and friendly, its everything.

The other day i drank a whole bottle of vodka myself and went to find some girl i knew in a library i had earlier called. Mind you, i hadnt spoken to this girl in weeks so i imagine the conversation was weird. I ended up getting lost in the library and losing my phone, then i drove home and did who knows what.....except i remember calling the girl i am going with and asking her how she felt about me, which is something i havent been able to do sober.

It feels like when im drunk im genuine, like its really who i am. I dont get violent i dont beat people up, thats my sober mentality. Im sick now with some weird illness, so i havent had a drink since thursday. im over the craving now, but its hard to turn down a beverage when it offers you so much just by drinking it. i could stop if i wanted, but i dont like who i am sober.

what is the real problem here?