Hi all,
Bit of advice please as I don't know if its just me being selfish.

Background
Partner is separated 2 1/2 years and ex lives in New Zealand with their 3 children (3,6,7). We live in the UK together with my DD. Ex doesn't earn enough to fly everyone over here so its up to him to go over there. The last time he saw them will have been 2 years this year.

Situation
He is wanting to go over later his year. (not a problem). Hes just starting at work after 7 mths and hopefully going to save up. Originally the 3 of us were going to go over and make some kind of holiday out of it. He goes off to see the boys. Me and dd go off and do our thing.
He says his life is with me and dd but wont divorce (doesn't want the "dad did this, dad did that) which I can understand to a point. He has also mentioned (in drink) that his plan is to get back with ex as that's the only way he will see the boys. Next day was sorry said he was wrong.
Now hes changed his mind again and doesn't want us to go! Just him! A business trip! Wants to give 100% to the boys. (cant argue there).
I want to be there for him as the last time he went (before we were together) it was an apparent nightmare. He sees me being there as a distraction, doesn't want to share that part of his life with me, there his memories and wants to keep them that way. Wants me to se it as a dad wanting to see his boys. Its his past and that's that.

Giving the comments on divorce and who to be with.
Am I right thinking this is all wrong and there is plan in possess?
He has said he wants his own family with me and does want to marry me. But these actions to me say the opposite.

Any advice would be grateful as at the moment I don't know if I am reading too much into it and sending myself slowly insane