...yeah there is definitely that
if I don't stay likeable all the time then they are just going to leave me.

but how hard is it to stay likeable all the time?...heaps hard!
as well as the other person just not ready to like us all the time as well...

it's been a complicated arrangement for me...I would do absolutely anything for the person to keep the person (sounds like a possession or even worse like a hostage, yikes)....and then do absolutely everything to push them away. The last one being the most successful of the two.
.."loving someone to death....and hating someone to death"
theres that black and white again
some smart dude once told me about bpd ..."you don't have a girlfriend mate...you take a hostage, but you don't threaten their life you threaten your own"

irk! ugh! bleh!

thanks for responses ...psych did mention dbt again...but I keep dodging it...last time didn't go so well