I told my therapist this week that I used to SI as a adolescent/child up to 9th grade or so.

Besides doing it twice at the age of 20....

I haven't done it since 9th grade and now I am a junior in college.
I guess you could say I'm 2 years clean from it but, that would discount the other 4 years I didn't do it at all...

Anyway, I have chronic back pain which keeps me from dancing.
I don't really-- maybe cus of depression-- or not wanting to face the issues... I don't feel like writing.

so, really... at this point ... I have the Urge. It's like taking up space in my head ---meaning, I am so surprised that I'm having the urge that I am more shocked by me wanting to do it, then what would actually happen if I did it.

When I wrote it down on paper-- the SI and handed it to my T-- and she read it outloud, it was like surreal for me....because, I thought it was just this phase and that I would never have the desire to do it again. When she read it though... it resonated so deeply with me and really showed me that I am going to need to find a solution soon..