This is a great post Tomi.......It would be great to have friends other than my dogs & horses. I no longer have any family except my husband with the relationship being only tolerance (for as long as that lasts) & my daughter who is definitely a daddy's girl. The few people who are friends are very tied up with their families too. It seems like we are there for each other when really bad things happen, but the rest of the time, we chat once in a while over the phone.

Unfortunately, I am not a magician that can make something out of nothing, & I hate hearing excuses (especially my own) as to why something can't happen, but there is no place at this point in my life where I can make that kind of relationship happen. I am spending 95% of my life trying to pack up 2 homes to get them ready for sale, trying to plan where I am going to move to, & the last 5% I use to care for my 4 legged family memembers & my 2 new fin members.

The best I can do right now is my weekely sessions with my psychologist which I couldn't live without. My anxiety attacks are getting increasingly worse & more & more triggers are hitting....even when watching stupid TV programs & movies. I think the worse part of it all is that I realize that I am the only one that can make me better & I put even more pressure on myself causing the tornado to never end. I have even realized that my anger is getting to be really horrible to the point I can hardly tolerate anything anymore.

Guess at this point, I am not even sure where to place myself so that any possible relationships might happen. I agree completely with your points of action, & know how correct you are. I guess I am hoping & praying that once I get settled into my retirement location & all my plans start actually happening, that I will be much more able to find a place that I can find a place to make the kind of friends that will be the positive relationships that I so badly need. It is scarry at this point trying to move from point A to point B, not really having a specific plan.....with my pdoc & psychologist telling me to just live from day to day right now & to think of only 1 thing at a time to keep from getting as overwhelmed as I am.

Life really seems to get complicated at times even when I try to do only 1 thing at a time. When I have to take a day or more out for stupid anxiety attacks, then I feel even worse.

But what you wrote is the best overall goal to plan for in my life....(just like the train that could......I think I can....I think I can.

Thanks for your positive words Tomi,
Debbie