I unfortunately know so much of how you feel. I'm diagnosed with PTSD as well, and through the abuse that I suffered I was forced to believe the dirt that was spewed at me every day - that I'm not good enough, this wouldn't have to happen if you weren't so weak, it's all YOUR fault, etc... And even the aftermath part of me scolds myself and tells myself I wouldn't be so messed up if I had gotten out of the situation early on.

My therapy has helped me realize that it's not my fault and such but I still have those intrusive thoughts. You're also experiencing toxic guilt, which I know much about as well... I don't know your situation, but even if you are guilty in some way, I think you're subconscious is probably exaggurating it, as it does, which makes you feel even more suffocated than you should... You can work through this. I wish you the best of luck