What do you mean by medicate this way???? The thing I have locked away is suicide. the thoughts come, and I don't even know where they come from. It's irrational to want death so much just because of mental pain. I just don't like feeling suicidal all throughout the day, and it never really disappearing. I've tried to escape it, I've tried to not talk about it, I've tried to describe the mental pain. I've tried to tell people that the thoughts of suicide come from thin air. It's not rational, and it's not me. But when I try to tell people it comes out wrong or they don't understand.

If that made any sense.