Quote:
Originally Posted by TheQuietOnexx
so I went. told the truth. was going to go in but then she rang up the bed manager, there are no beds. even though my T had organized a few days ago for me to go in.
she said I could go to ED until a bed came up but I refused cuz I always end up under the mental health act and fighting with the nurses in ED cuz I hate being there.
so I came home after T called my cousins to tell them what was going on and called crisis team who have to keep accessing if I need to go to ED even though I don't want to.
there might be a bed tomorrow. I'm meant to call T to discuss it.
but why? if I make it through tonight then I must be okay. I must not need to go in cuz I can keep myself safe.
T told the crisis team I am "in crisis" what does that mean? I'm suicidal? well yeah but I almost did it this morning but I didnt so I must be okay.
she wanted me to pick an option. I pick option 3. staying home and whatever happens happens and I don't care. even if this option leads to option 4 (suicide).
I showed her some writing but it made no sense.
our session went over and a girl from my DBT group was waiting to see T after me and she was so grumpy that she didn't go in right on time. then she gave me the worst look when I came out. I hate that I took up Ts time with someone else. I don't deserve it.
I don't know what to do.
aboutt hospital
about talking to T
about all the **** with my phone being hacked
about school starting soon
about anything.
I just want it to be over.
the voices are here worse than ever but they comfort me. help me feel less alone. let me see there is a way out. they understand.
maybe this is what I'm meant to do. how it's meant to end.
fate.
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hey there QuietOne....you made it back.
thats great and I'm happy about that.
apart from that, we have something in common at the moment...My head is all screwball messed up as well and I've been having to keep myself behaved or controlled or whatever it's called.
I will put me aside for a bit though...I think I am past the worst of it....?
but you seem to have gotten worse poor thing!...you are really copping it at the moment huh?
ED sux...I don't believe it's suitable for us unless it absolutely cannot be avoided. I hope thats not gonna' happen QuietOne. thats weird about the beds?....nothing you can do about that...but the ED in the meantime makes things worse from my experience...I am the same, cause trouble and get detained, shackled and sedated and it's awful! I end up trying to escape so I can get back to my bed and be left alone!...I say, do anything to get out of ED.
You are worth every minute of T time...during and especially after if it's necessary...and the girl after you is worth it to and probably went over and the next person ...but thats how it goes yep. T might have felt bad for not comin' up with the bed as promised and gave you extra and thats good but the bad look kinda undoes it all hey....it's like ya gotta go straight back in to sort that out?...
And you met your side of the 'deal'...you went to the appointment...so you did awesome considering how you feel!
Sorry QuietOne I feel all over the place and manic...not making much sense in my mind...but it's great you are still talking....hang in there ...I must do the same...I hope the voices keep you comforted.
it's a mad life mate, and it's going to be ok.
J
